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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25862539">i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersundays/pseuds/wintersundays'>wintersundays</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Chan's kinda a jerk, Established Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Friends to Lovers, He means no harm tho, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jisung is the emotionally supportive roommate we all need, M/M, Minho's crushing on Chan, Mutual Pining, Pining, does chan ever sleep, i mean me too but</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:35:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25862539</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersundays/pseuds/wintersundays</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>But now here he was, getting a text from one of his best friends, opening up to Chan and also… confessing to him?</p><p>Or alternatively: Chan needs to stop doing people favours and replying to texts without reading them properly.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>223</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My second MinChan fic woohoo! (not betaed i'm sorry)</p><p>I saw a tweet about someone's sister receiving this text from her friend and my brain went: Minchan. I genuinely love Minchan so much, hope you guys enjoy reading!</p><p>Title from E.E. Cummings poem, "i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)" because i'm a lit major and i like talking about poetry every chance i get.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chan really needs to stop doing people favours.</p><p>Because if he didn’t agree to provide the backing vocals for Changbin’s piece last week, he would have been done with his own assignment five days ago.</p><p>And if he didn’t agree to go shopping for Seungmin’s birthday present with Hyunjin four days ago, he would have been done with his own assignment three days ago.</p><p>And, if he didn’t agree to cover Felix’s shift at the cafe they both worked at today, he would have been done with it probably before midnight.</p><p>But here he was, at 2 am, still in the studio. Desperately trying to finish his midterm assignment which was a good 40% of his whole grade.</p><p>It irked Chan even more, because he <em>normally </em>wasn’t like this. He was super organised, a neat freak, had to have everything exactly the way he envisioned it to be, at all times. If he chose he was going to finish his assignment three days before the deadline, he would have probably been finished with it five days before. He made sure he had the whole of the next month planned out, he knew when he had his shifts at the cafe, around which time of the month Jisung would come to be fed, and when Felix was going to ask for some brother time. He had it figured. Usually.</p><p>He sighed for the nth time that night, running a hand through his hair. He was basically done with his assignment, he just needed to edit it. But he was tired, god so damn tired - he could literally feel his eyelids drooping and his brain shutting off. He was used to long nights, but the combination of an 8 am class and a six hour shift was not the best.</p><p>His phone - which he flung it across the room along with his bag as soon as he entered his room - beeped. Chan groaned. See, he wasn’t addicted to his phone, he wasn’t too big on social media and he also didn’t really understand why people would play games on such tiny screens. But the thought of missing an important text or call for help by one of the kids, totally freaked him out. He really wished he wasn’t so paranoid at times, but God,<em> here we go again</em>.</p><p>Surprisingly it was a text from Minho, and it was only one text. Minho wasn’t much of a texter, and neither was he someone who stayed awake so late at night. Chan trusted Minho enough to not get himself into a mess, and by that he meant incidents like setting their dorm on fire (Jisung), or skinny dipping on the campus fountain as a dare (Hyunjin).</p><p>Barely reading Minho’s text, Chan quickly typed back.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[02:18] Me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not now, but maybe later</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Chan quickly thumbed the send button, locked his phone, and once again, flung it across the room. He sighed again, swivelling his chair to face the screen.</p><p>His mind was woozy and his eyelids felt like bricks. Everytime he opened his mouth, a yawn erupted and he could hear the cries of his body asking to lie down.</p><p>But no, he was just another college student that didn’t know how to finish their assignments on time. He needed to get this done.</p><p>Chan sighed, as he cracked his knuckles, stretched his neck and put on his headphones again. It was going to be a long night.</p><p> </p><p>✧✧</p><p> </p><p>After two more hours of staring at his computer screen, going back and editing every little bit until the perfectionist in Chan was somewhat satisfied, Chan decided to call it a night. Well, it wasn’t night anymore, but he had nothing to do today, and he had already sent the assignment as soon as he was done. He was more than ready to head back to his dorm and plop right onto his bed and black out.</p><p>Chan fumbled for his phone as he stepped out of the studio. The sky was a pretty colour, he noted as he yawned. As much as he genuinely, really, really needed sleep, there was something so calming about early mornings. He liked how pretty the sky was when the sun was appearing, liked listening to the birds chirping, and most of all he liked how cool the weather was. If he wasn’t so deadly tired, he would have probably gone for a walk.</p><p>After finally locating his phone in the depth of his bag, Chan turned it on, hoping that he didn’t miss any SOS texts or calls from his friends. Thankfully, there was only one snapchat from Jisung which probably meant nothing, and another text from Minho.</p><p>
  <em>Oh right. </em>
</p><p>Chan had barely read Minho’s text as he assumed it wasn’t anything serious - what did he even reply with? It seemed like Minho had replied back soon after Chan sent his text, and then stopped texting after that.</p><p>Stopping in his tracks, Chan opened his texts with Minho.</p><p>
  <em>[02:17] .Minho</em>
</p><p>
  <em>hyung, are you gay?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>[02:18] Me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not now, but maybe</em>
  <em> later</em>
</p><p>
  <em>[02:18] .Minho</em>
</p><p>
  <em>okay, good because i have a crush on you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Chan almost drops his phone.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck did he just read?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It takes him about three minutes, staring straight into space with probably the most incredulous look on his face. He’s brought back to reality when his phone buzzes at <em>fucking 5 am</em>. Surprised, he looks down onto his phone and realises it was the alarm he set for himself last night. He had promised himself he'd finish his work before 5 am, and well he did, but now he had a whole another crisis blocking his path.</p><p>Chan had nothing against gay people, hell he was super supportive of the LGBTQ community. Half of his friends were gay and he was more than comfortable to listen to them, spend time with the, fight for their rights and shoot down assholes who were homophobic and had no life of their own. But he himself, rather believed he was straight. He had only dated girls, only ever kissed girls, and at the same time, he was very comfortable with the belief that sexuality was fluid. Who knows when he might become attracted to whoever. It wasn’t anything he put a lot of thought into.</p><p>But now here he was, getting a text from one of his best friends, opening up to Chan and also… confessing to him?</p><p>Minho. Beautiful, smart, wild, and hot as hell Minho. It doesn’t take a genius to notice Minho was beautiful. Everything about him was perfectly balanced - a perfect sculpture. He was a work of art, and Chan remembers how blown away and mesmerised he was by the younger’s beauty when he first saw him. As beautiful as he was, Minho was wild. They liked to jokingly explain that Minho lived in a different dimension, and that he was “4D”. Minho didn’t seem to mind that phrase, and he laughed along with it. There were many things Minho did that never failed to crack Chan up. He may have seemed to be quiet, but Minho knew exactly when to speak and was never afraid to speak his mind. He was intelligent, his mind worked fast, and he was extremely independent. He was good at taking care of others (while whining and making remarks every now and then), and was a good person to consult at all times.</p><p>Nobody ever knew who Minho dated. Chan had heard from Jisung and Seungmin once or twice that he had been gone on a couple of dates but nothing ever turned serious and Chan didn’t want to pry. He liked Minho for who he was, didn’t really care about what he did with his love life. Minho was a fun person to be with, and Chan genuinely enjoyed spending time with him. He liked going to the cat shelter with Minho when he wasn’t dying with assignments and favours he had promised to do, and always had a good time with him.</p><p>But this. Never did Chan expect this.</p><p>Chan had guys confess to him before, and while it hurt and pained Chan everytime, he always turned them down. He liked them sure, but as a friend. He didn’t want to lead people on, so Chan always made sure to get straight to the point when he turned people down. He always felt guilty and terrible for doing so, but in his heart, he knew it was the right thing.</p><p>So, if he was in the right mind, he should have been preparing to do the same. Tell Minho it was all a misunderstanding, and that he isn’t gay and he can’t reciprocate his feelings. And yet at the same time, something inside him was saying “no”.</p><p>Minho was… special, to say the least. He wasn’t loud and boisterous like the rest of their friend group was. He was loud, funny, sociable in his own way but he was someone who Chan found himself paying a lot of attention to. And it just seemed so wrong? to turn him down. It didn’t feel <em>right</em>.</p><p>With a million things running through his head, Chan dashed straight back to his dorm room where he knew Jisung was soundly sleeping. As soon as he entered their room, Chan made a dash for Jisung’s bed. The younger was sleeping in an awkward position that Chan refused to admit that was comfortable. He had one airpod still stuck in his ear, and Chan sighed. The amount of airpods he had to buy for the kids every year made Chan seriously worry if he was going to have enough money to have a family in the future.</p><p>“Jisung, wake up.” Chan nudged the sleeping boy. Jisung’s eyebrows furrowed at the forceful pushes; he whined as he tried to hide his face with his blanket.</p><p>“Jisung, seriously. I’m having a crisis right now. Wake up, please.” Chan pleaded. Jisung groaned, as he sighed deeply through his nose.</p><p>“...go to Minho hyung or Changbin hyung if you’re having a crisis.” He grumbled, desperately trying to yank the blanket out of Chan’s grip.</p><p>“I can’t! Please, Jisung just… listen to me? At the very least?”</p><p>Jisung sighed dramatically as she slowly cracked his eyes open. He yawned as he turned over the look at his phone. “Hyung, what the hell! It’s not even 6 am yet! I don’t even wake up this early when I have first period!”</p><p>Ignoring the younger’s whines, Chan sat on the edge of Jisung’s bed as he nervously cracked his knuckles. It was something he did when he was nervous - cracking his knuckles and licking his lips. He felt Jisung stare at him quizzically as Chan took a deep breath before he began talking.</p><p>“So last night, I was in the studio because I had to finish my assignment at the last minute. Minho texted me, but I was busy and I know he wouldn’t do reckless shit like any of you guys—”</p><p>“Okay, rude. Minho hyung is literally there with us when we do the dumb shit. I end up getting in trouble because he provoked me half the time—”</p><p>“Jisung. Please. I haven’t slept in god knows how long, and I really, really, need help right now.” The graveness in Chan’s tone must have done something to Jisung as he clammed his mouth shut. It was true, he hadn’t seen Chan in their room since three days ago, and while the elder was naturally very pale, he looked even paler now.</p><p>“Okay, well he texted me and I just texted him back saying ‘not now, maybe later’ because I was busy, you know? And I just flung my phone away because I didn’t want any distractions and I just really needed to get my shit done.” Chan paused for a second, trying to sort out his thoughts.</p><p>“And then well, I finished like an hour ago, and I left the studio and I pulled out my phone, right. I had obviously forgotten about the text from Minho, but apparently, he texted me right after I texted him last night. So I open the text, and well, I find this.” Chan pulls out his phone and throws it towards Jisung.</p><p>Jisung, blindly reaches for the phone which landed close to his chest, squints at the brightness of the phone as he reads the texts. It’s adorable how comically his eyes grow in size as he reads the text exchange between Minho and Chan.</p><p>Chan sighs as Jisung drops the phone, and turns over to stare at him. He seems to be fully awake now, and Chan resists the urge to pat down his hair which is sticking up in all directions. “Look, I know I shouldn’t even be telling you about this because I don’t even know if Minho would be comfortable with me sharing this with other people, but I seriously don’t know what to do, so if you can just, help me—”</p><p>“Hyung. We all know Minho hyung is bi. Like, it’s not anything new to us. And, I knew he had a crush on you. You were literally his gay awakeneing.” Jisung says, finally sitting up in his bed.</p><p>Now it’s Chan’s turn for his eyes to comically widen, as he stares at Jisung as if he just saw an alien. Jisung huffs to cover a snicker, as he reaches out to pat the elder’s hands.</p><p>“He told me, he saw you djing that one night and he just came up to me after your set and said ‘Shit, I think I’m gay.’ Those exact words. I can’t make this up.”</p><p>Chan stares at Jisung, not believing what he was hearing. Jisung stared right back, one eyebrow raised and looking as if he were going to scoff any minute now.</p><p>“Look, you’re overthinking this, hyung. You can tell Minho hyung that you’re not gay, and he misunderstood it. He probably won’t even take it personally. Okay, he <em>will</em> take it personally, but like, he’s not going to hate you or any—“</p><p>“That’s the problem.”</p><p>Chan’s voice came out smaller than he had expected. Jisung stopped mid sentence, a look of confusion washing across his face. “What?”</p><p>“I don’t want to say ‘no’. Like yeah, I’ve never dated guys or I don’t know, had a crush? on a guy before, but with Minho it’s just… different, you know?”</p><p>Jisung cocked an eyebrow, seemingly more awake and interested in the conversation than ever. “No. Explain.”</p><p>Chan sighed, looking helpless. “I don’t even know, but it feels <em>wrong</em> if I say ‘Hey sorry that was a mistake, and I don’t like you, let’s stay friends.’ I don’t want to do that.”</p><p>“So… you’re saying you’re straight but you also don’t want to reject Minho hyung? You never had problems with rejecting guys, hyung.”</p><p>“I know, but like I don’t even know if I am straight. And Minho is not someone I just had one class with or something. He’s a friend - and a great friend. I really like being with him, he’s different. He makes me feel… I don’t know, special.” Chan whined, playing with the hem of Jisung’s mattress.</p><p>“Okay, but you can’t lead him on or give him false hope. You know that’s a dick move right? And I don’t want to think you’re a dick, hyung.” Jisung said, his voice laced with worry and seriousness.</p><p>Chan sighed again, nodding as he ran his hand through his unkept curly hair. “Yeah, I know. I should be honest with him. Thanks, Jisungie, I’m gonna take a shower and sleep. Sorry for waking you up so early.”</p><p>Jisung stared at the back of his hyung who waddled away into the shower. His (massive) shoulders were slumped, and he was visibly upset. It was almost surreal, to see Chan being bothered by something to the extent he came home to tell Jisung about it. And moreover, it was about Minho? Some things were definitely going to change.</p><p> </p><p>✧✧</p><p>“Minho, over here!”</p><p>Chan called over Minho the second the younger stepped into the cafe. He looked… beautiful, per usual. He was wearing an oversized striped shirt and jeans, an everyday casual look, and yet he still managed to look ethereal. The younger’s eye lightened up and his kittenish lips quirked into a smile the second he caught sight of Chan. It would have been a lie if Chan said his heart didn’t skip a beat at how lovely he looked.</p><p>“Hyung!”</p><p>There was so much enthusiasm in Minho’s voice, and while a part of Chan found it unbearably endearing, another part of him was being eaten up with guilt. He hoped the smile he plastered on his face seemed genuine enough, but he literally felt his lips pursing as the younger approached him.</p><p>“Hey Minho. Iced Americano, right? Let me go get it for you.” Chan said as quickly as possible, standing up even before Minho was able to answer.</p><p>There were so many things going through his head; he needed to set things straight, tell Minho that he misunderstood Chan’s text, and that as flattered as he was, Chan wasn’t… Wasn’t what? While Chan wasn’t a hundred percent sure he was straight, and perhaps never have been, he wasn’t sure if telling Minho was going to give him false hope. Frustrated and annoyed with himself, Chan ruffled his hair. It was already fluffy from his nap earlier, and out of control anyways.</p><p>As the barista handed Chan the iced americano he ordered far too quickly for his liking, Chan took the drink and walked back to their table. Minho was looking at his phone, giggling every now and then at whatever he was looking at. It was extremely adorable, to see Minho in a slightly oversized shirt with sweater paws, laughing so his eyes crinkled at the sides.</p><p>“Here you go,” Chan slid the drink in front of the giggling Minho. Minho instinctively looked up from his screen and shot a blinding smile towards Chan. Chan couldn’t help but smile back as he plopped down in his seat.</p><p>“Thank you, hyung! Look, I want to show you this video my mom sent me of my cats!” MInho said, as he motioned for Chan to come closer. Laughing, Chan leaned in closer. The video of Soon-ie was adorable, and so was Minho who was laughing at every little thing his cat did.</p><p>While Chan was initially focused on the video of Soon-ie, he found himself staring at the giggling boy in front of him - were his eyelashes this long? His thick, long eyelashes that framed his eyes, the sharp line of his nose bridge and plump, rose coloured lips…</p><p>“—nie hyung? Channie hyung?”</p><p>Chan immediately drew himself back, almost hitting his head on the wall behind him. Minho looked at him questioningly, as he locked his phone and put it down. “Are you alright, hyung? Jisung told me you didn’t come home last night because you were at the studio.”</p><p>“I’m— I’m alright, yeah. Just.. a lot on my mind, I guess.” Chan said, scratching the back of his neck, managing an awkward laugh. Minho nodded slowly as he bit down onto his straw, and <em>god </em>why did Chan’s eyes keep on going to his lips?</p><p>In an effort to clear his mind, Chan shook his head and took a sip of his own green smoothie. He saw Minho obviously make a face at his choice of drink. Chan stuck out a tongue back, and Minho further scrunched his face. Chan laughed - it was <em>so easy</em> with Minho.</p><p>“Um… so about the text last night…” Chan began as soon as his brain was somewhat sorted out. Minho obviously perked up, as he looked up from his drink. Chan gulped before he opened his mouth again. “So when I replied, I actually hadn’t read your first text… so um, I may have given you the… wrong idea…?”</p><p>Chan was furiously fiddling with the paper wrapper of his straw, refusing to meet eyes with the Minho. There was something about Minho and his eyes - they were impossible to look away from, and Chan had fallen victim to his pretty, round, glittery eyes far too many times in the past.</p><p>They were silent for a second, and Chan was a second away from blurting out an apology when he heard the younger splutter out loud. He quickly raised his head, and saw Minho laughing, literally tears in his eyes.</p><p>“Wha— Minho, what— why are you laughing?”</p><p>“Because, <em>oh my god</em>, hyung, of course I knew what you were saying! I just wanted to tell you either way that I have feelings for you! Oh <em>fuck</em>, this is the most I’ve laughed in ages!” Minho said, laughing and clutching his stomach.</p><p>Chan sat there, eyes wide and confused. So, he was the one who misunderstood the situation…? He felt his ears burning, and before he was able to hide them with his hands, Minho caught sight of his red ears and began laughing some more.</p><p>“Your ears, hyung! God, you’re so cute.” Minho cackled. Chan really, really wanted the earth to swallow him up right now.</p><p>“So, like um… we can still stay friends, right?” Chan mumbled. Minho’s eyebrows shot up, and for a second, Chan wasn’t able to decipher his expression. He quickly brought the smile back, and nodded.</p><p>“Of course, hyung. Friends.”</p><p>Chan wasn’t sure why there was a little pang that went across his heart.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>✧✧</p><p>“Hyung. For the love of god, I know you’re busy and it’s partially my fault because I asked you to do something for me, but you need to leave the studio. Please, hyung.”</p><p>Changbin pleaded over the phone, as Chan grumbled something that the younger couldn’t make out.</p><p>“<em>Hyung</em>.”</p><p>“All right, all right! I’ll go, okay? Just… let me finish this—“</p><p>“Okay, but you have to be here, no matter how late. Please, hyung.”</p><p>Chan sighed as he cut the call, running a hand through his hair. Even after midterms were done and dusted with, Chan was still busy with schoolwork, favours, and his job. He didn’t even notice how long he had been camping in the studio for, only going back to his dorm to shower and sleep.</p><p>Apparently Changbin and Hyunjin were throwing a party at their room tonight, and everyone in their friend group was invited. Chan literally hadn’t seen anyone besides Changbin and Jisung and… Minho in the past couple of weeks.</p><p>The memory of seeing Minho last week brought a smile to Chan’s face - after Minho heard that Chan was in the studio 24/7, Minho dropped by with Chinese takeout. While the younger dropped by wearing his gym clothes and a cap covering his hair, Chan felt severely underdressed in his all black outfit. Still, Minho didn’t seem to mind the mop of curly mess on Chan’s head nor the dark circles under his eyes and smiled prettily at him as usual. Chan felt a little more alive, to say the least.</p><p>Chan groaned as he stared at his empty document. He literally was at the studio not only to work on his music, but found that he was the most at peace in the studio and did all his schoolwork there. He really needed to get started with this essay, if he wanted to stay on track.</p><p> </p><p>After two more hours of grilling himself to move forward with his essay, Chan trudged his heavy body to Changbin and Hyunjin’s apartment. The two lived outside of campus but close enough for Chan to walk there, and while he was heavily living off green smoothies and pineapple juice, he was excited to see his friends after a while.</p><p>“Channie hyuuuung!”</p><p>A far too excited Hyunjin opened the door as soon as Chan rang the buzzer. Chan grimaced, as the taller boy pulled him into a hug, the remains of whatever he was drinking sloshed in the cup he was holding in his other hand.</p><p>“Hey Hyunjin… how much have you had to drink?” Chan said as he peeled the dangly limbs off of himself, pushing him and the boy into their apartment. Hyunjin laughed as he draped his arms over Chan’s shoulder, barely walking straight.</p><p>“Ummm, I don’t really know? Seungminnie said I can drink tonight so I’m drinking! Maybe a little too much.” The younger whispered the last bit of the sentence, dangerously close to Chan’s ear. His breath reeked of vodka and Chan scrunched his nose.</p><p>In the living room, there was even more chaos. Seungmin and Jeongin were perched on the sofa, watching while Jisung was telling some story with wild and comical hand movements. Changbin and Minho were playing beer pong on the table in the back, surrounded by a couple of different people Chan somewhat remembers seeing across campus. Hyunjin, now wrapped around Felix, was talking to someone that Chan didn’t know.</p><p>The party was a little more crowded than Chan had expected, and while he was still pretty tired, he was more than ready to let loose.</p><p>He walked over to the kitchen to make himself a drink when Changbin noticed him and immediately walked over to him.</p><p>“Chan hyung! You made it!”</p><p>Chan chuckled as he nodded, pulling a beer out of the fridge. “Yep, I did. Didn’t want a search party coming for me.”</p><p>Changbin grinned as he also pulled out another beer for himself. “I literally haven’t seen you in ages! Minho hyung told me he went to check up on you the other day, but you seriously have to stop ghosting us, man.”</p><p>Chan shrugged his shoulders, guilt shown across his face. “Sorry, I just had a lot going on. Didn’t mean to ghost you guys.”</p><p>It was true - ever since the texting “incident” with Minho, there were a lot of things going in his mind. He liked Minho, for sure he did; Minho was sweet, beautiful, and one of a kind. Chan was always laughing whenever he was around him, and he made Chan feel this bubbly sort of feeling. But Chan wasn’t sure if he <em>liked</em> Miho - hell, he wasn’t even sure what that meant anymore.</p><p>It didn’t help that Minho was acting normally, like if he never suddenly confessed to Chan over text a couple weeks ago. Chan wasn’t sure if he was even allowed to bring the topic up anymore, and even if he were to, how the hell was he supposed to? “Hey, so you know how you said you liked me the other week? Care to explain it?” Chan was confused, tired, perhaps developing a little crush of his own, and going through an emotional turmoil all at once.</p><p>Chan took a long sip of his beer, allowing the alcohol to do its job. He wasn’t a lightweight, but he didn’t drink that often either. A sane part of him was telling him to slow down, he was tired and on maybe two hours of sleep, while another part of him was telling him to get hammered. He glanced around the room, instinctively searching for Minho, when his eyes landed on Minho talking to someone Chan didn’t quite recognise.</p><p>He instantly felt his mood sour, not that he was in a spectacularly good mood in the first place, but felt his smile slip from his face. The guy who Minho was talking to was good looking, like super attractive-good looking. He was tall, taller than Chan for sure, and Chan couldn’t help but be envious of how pretty his nose bridge was. Minho was looking at him with sparkly eyes and a wide smile. Chan felt crushed - he didn’t even know why, but he just didn’t want to see either one of them.</p><p>Chugging down his beer, he let the now lukewarm bitter liquid flow down his throat. His throat burned a little, but it was better than having to watch Mino talk to whoever that good looking guy was. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts a little, Chan headed towards the couch where Seungmin was with Hyunjin clearly half asleep on his lap, and Felix who was talking to another boy Chan swore he saw somewhere.</p><p>“Hey hyung!” Felix said the second he caught sight of Chan. Chan felt himself smiling despite the ugly feeling resting inside of him at the sound of Felix’s happy voice. The rest of the boys chorused after Felix, all scooting over to make space for the elder to sit.</p><p>“Remember Eric? He started working at the cafe last week!” Felix explained as he motioned towards the blonde boy who was sitting besides him. Eric, as he was introduced, ducked his head shyly, as Chan “Ahhh”ed, finally remembering who he was.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, of course! Sorry, I’ve just been super busy recently and my memory’s kinda shit.” Chan sheepishly said, to which Seungmin snorted. Hyunjin mumbled as he stirred at the sound of Seungmin’s snort, trying to push his face dangerously close towards Seungmin’s crotch.</p><p>“Hyunjin, for the love of god, keep it PG!” Chan grumbled as Seungmin pushed his boyfriend’s head the other direction. “Hyunjin, get up. I know you’re not even that drunk.” Seungmin deadpans as Hyunjin whined, trying to curl closer to Seungmin.</p><p>“He’s normally super clingy but it’s worse when he’s drunk.” Felix explained to an obviously shocked Eric. Eric nodded numbly, and Chan felt sorry for the boy.</p><p>“Did you talk to Minho hyung?” Seungmin suddenly asked Chan while battling with Hyunjin’s heavy head rolling across his thighs. Chan bolted, perhaps a little unnaturally at the mention of MInhos’ name. Seungmin cocked his head to the side, a questioning look on his face.</p><p>“No, I saw him talking to someone else earlier, didn’t want to intrude.” Chan said a little quietly as he thumbed the tab of his now empty beer can.</p><p>“Ah, he’s the dancer, right? I saw Juyeon hyung talking to him earlier.” Eric piped up, making all heads turn his way.</p><p>“Minho hyung, socialising?!” Hyunjin screeched, and Seungmin immediately covered his mouth, while Felix looked at Eric with large eyes. “They know each other?”</p><p>Eric nodded, clearly taken aback at their response. “Yeah…? Juyeon hyung told me they text every now and then. They met at the end of the year recital or something.”</p><p>Chan hummed to himself, trying to play it as if nothing was bothering him. In reality, everything was irking him. He didn’t know Minho made friends with someone he didn’t even know. While he knew Minho was surprisingly social and also made acquaintances and friends with the most unexpected people at the most random times (eg. when Chan caught him chatting it up with the university campus police when a frat party was busted, he hollered), he wasn’t used to seeing Minho talking to other people when he was there with him.</p><p>“Are they like, a thing?” A clearly drunk Hyunjin said as Seungjin brushed away his long bangs that were covering his eyes. Chan felt his eyebrow twitch, but tried to keep calm. He shouldn’t be feeling annoyed or angry, it was nothing to do with him personally.</p><p>Eric shrugged, bringing his drink to his lips. “I have no idea, to be honest. I just know they talk every now and then, and Juyeon hyung always talks about how good looking he is.”</p><p>Chan has to keep himself from audibly and visibly snorting; of course Minho is good looking, he was literally known as the dancing gem. He was a work of art with how beautiful he looked, and getting to know him was a whole new experience that not many people had the privilege of. Chan stood up, motioning he’ll go get a new drink to the rest. He knew he was drowning a lot more alcohol than he was used to, but there was something, some feeling he couldn’t quite place his finger on, and he desperately needed to get rid of it by doing something else.</p><p>It reminded him of the conversation he had with Minho once: MInho had told him that he coped with his stress by doing something else that gave him even more stress to cancel the stress out. Honestly, it made no sense to Chan, who was a little paranoid and everything stressed him out to the point not doing anything made him the most stressed, but it was definitely interesting to hear something like that from Minho. The more Chan got to know Minho, he was amazed, awestruck, intrigued, and a million of other expressions his cloudy brain wasn’t supplying him with.</p><p>At the corner of his eyes, Chan glanced back at the corner of the room. Minho was still there, talking to the taller guy. There was a faint blush dusting his cheeks, and the pretty smile and glittery eyes, all for someone who wasn’t Chan.</p><p> </p><p>✧✧</p><p>Chan literally feels like death.</p><p>He groans out loud as he tries to sit up but immediately regrets it, as his head begins to swim and his mouth feels like it was left in the desert for the whole night. He groans again as he tries to duck under his blanket, but his head is spinning far too much for him to do anything.</p><p>“Hyung, are you awake?”</p><p>Jisung’s voice breaks Chan’s moment of self pity, as his small head pokes into Chan’s vision. Chan grunts, and Jisung smiles at him, a weary smile laced with worry. “You were pretty hammered last night, hyung.”</p><p>Chan groans once again. It had been ages since he drank that much, all the rounds of beer pong and shitty drinking games when he was clearly well past tipsy. Adding onto that, he had barely slept the night before and was obviously very tired.</p><p>“...I didn’t do anything stupid, did I?” Chan croaks, praying to all living deities that drunk Chan didn’t want to end current Chan’s life.</p><p>Jisung grimaced a little, and Chan cursed out loud as he pulled his blanket over his head. “God what the fuck did I do?”</p><p>“Well… you didn’t do anything too bad, but you kinda um… shook off Minho hyung’s arm when he was trying to help you? And you told him to go back to ‘Jaeyun’, I quote.” Jisung sat on the edge of Chan’s bed as Chan lifted his pounding head to stare into Jisung’s face.</p><p>“What.”</p><p>“I know, it was very out of character for you. His name was ‘Juyeon’, by the way.” Jisung lifted a stray piece of string from Chan’s blanket before he opened his mouth to continue. “Well, Minho hyung was obviously hurt, especially because he knows you know he likes you, and he didn’t seem to take it well. Last time I saw him, he was actually back with Juyeon hyung. They seemed to be getting cozy.” Jisung shrugged his shoulders, glancing to see Chan with an extremely hardened expression.</p><p>“Look, hyung. I know this isn’t my place to say but,” Jisung sighed as he threw the stray string onto the floor. “You’re being kind of a dick, hyung. You know he likes you, and you with all that ‘let’s stay friends but I’ll compliment you and be weirdly possessive of you’ isn’t at all good.”</p><p>Chan sucked in a breath; he knew he had no right to be jealous, after all, it was him who turned down Minho’s confession and said he wanted to remain ‘friends’. But he wasn’t expecting Minho to move on and find someone else so quickly. Especially when he had… feelings for Minho, too.</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re thinking of, hyung, but I think you should talk to him. Minho hyung is a good listener, and you’re usually pretty good at explaining things.” Jisung said, as he rose from where he was seated. “I charged your phone for you last night. Shoot him a text.”</p><p>“Thank you, Jisung-ah.” Chan said to the retreating figure, who waved his hand, trying to act all cool. “What will you do without me.” The younger muttered, as Chan chuckled to himself and reached for his phone.</p><p>He took a deep breath as he opened his messages with Minho. He had to get things straightened out.</p><p> </p><p>Chan felt all nervous and jittery again, as he waited for Minho in the studio. It felt like the time he woke up to Minho’s text, and asked the younger to meet him in the cafe. Only this time, in the studio.</p><p>The reason why he chose the studio was because he wanted more privacy, and because he also knew a majority of his favourite memories with Minho were made here. The times they just sat next to each other and talked for hours, eating takeout and doing nothing much.</p><p>Chan nervously tapped his foot as he glanced at his watch, Minho was supposed to be here any minute by now, and Chan honestly still had no idea what he wanted to tell him.</p><p>The door to the studio creaked open, and in came Minho, deeply wearing a hat and in sweats. He still looked glorious, and Chan almost sighed at how good he looked in normal, black sweatpants.</p><p>“Minho,” Chan spoke first, as he stood up from his swivel seat and approached the younger. Minho refused to look up, only nodding in response. “Thanks for coming all the way here… I wanted to talk to you about something.”</p><p>Minho bit his lip, his vision covered by the brim of his hat. Chan motioned for him to sit, as he also sat back down.</p><p>Chan wrung his fingers as he tried to make a coherent sentence. “Look, I’m— I’m sorry, Minho.” Minho jerked a bit at the sudden apology, lifting his head to stare at Chan. “I’m sorry for being a jerk to you last night, for being a dick all these weeks,” Chan gulped before he continued.</p><p>“I— When you first told me you were gay and you had a crush on me, I was surprised. I never thought you saw me like that, never thought you saw me more than a friend. And I was also afraid,” Chan paused, licking his lips as the moisture in the room was suddenly gone. “Afraid that our friendship was going to be destroyed. The thing is, Minho, I really, really value our friendship. I always thought it was special. You— you were always special to me, Minho.”</p><p>He hears Minho sucking in his breath, as Chan stops once more to articulate his thoughts. “And you know, I always believed I was straight. I didn’t really question my sexuality before, but with you— everything seemed right. I didn’t need to make an effort to be someone else, to try really hard, because everything with you was effortless. I want to see you smile, want to make you laugh,” Chan realises he’s no longer thinking, he’s letting whatever comes to his mind flow out of his mouth.</p><p>“I just want you to smile, for me. I want you to stay by my side. I want you to be laughing at me, not him. That’s the reason why I snapped at you last night - I felt so annoyed and jealous after seeing you with someone I didn’t know, and you were blushing so I thought maybe you moved on, maybe you found someone else—”</p><p>“Hyung.”</p><p>Chan is interrupted by Minho, who suddenly reached out for his hand. Chan almost gasped at the sudden touch, as the younger stared directly at him.</p><p>“I’m not over you. At all. I’m still hopelessly, completely crushing on you. No, I’m literally falling in love with you.”</p><p>Chan can’t stop but stare at the feline-like boy, who was looking at him with his glittering eyes, a small smile stretched across his lips, and a faint blush covering his cheeks.</p><p>“Juyeon is just a friend. He knows I’ve been crushing on you forever, and he was checking up on me last night. He’s a friend, nothing else.” Minho said, as he quietly intertwined his fingers with Chan’s limp hands.</p><p>“Tell me, hyung. What do you really want to say to me?”</p><p>Chan can’t do anything - his brain is fuzzy, and he feels like he’s in a trance. All he can do is stare at Minho’s shining eyes that were intently staring back at him. He doesn’t even know what he wants to say, wants to do, but feels his mouth open on its own.</p><p>“I’m— I think I’m falling in love with you too, Minho.”</p><p>And Minho smiles, that mind blowing, earth shattering, breathtaking smile that never fails to blow away Chan. He’s radiant as he leans in, and before Chan can do anything else, he feels a soft pair of lips on his.</p><p>✧✧</p><p>It’s another late night.</p><p>Chan seriously, seriously promises himself, swears on his dog Berry back in Australia, that he won’t promise to do people’s favours anymore.</p><p>He sighs as he scrolls through his stupid essay that he left until last minute. It’s not his fault he can’t say no to Seungmin when the younger came barging into his studio at an ungodly hour, asking if Chan can help him cover a song because he had the sudden urge to do so. Or, it’s not his fault he couldn’t say no to stuffing his face with Felix’s baked goods or editing Jeongin’s essay. He has people relying on him. He can’t say no.</p><p>Chan wants to sleep, wants to curl up in his bed and just pass out… but he desperately wants to graduate, especially because he already has a place as one of producers for a big entertainment company he had always dreamed of working at.</p><p>And, he has a boyfriend to go home to now.</p><p>He sighs again, running a hand through his hair when he hears his phone vibrate. A part of him tells him to ignore it, and the other part of him comes up with all the possible things the kids could have gotten themselves into. Groaning, Chan reaches for his phone. He deflates, in relief, when he sees it’s a text from Minho.</p><p>
  <em>[02:17] .Minho♡</em>
</p><p>
  <em>hyung, are you coming home tonight?</em>
</p><p>Chan winces - he hasn’t been the best boyfriend for a while, and he knows it's gradually stressing Minho up.</p><p>
  <em>[02:18] Me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not now, but maybe later</em>
</p><p>Chan responds quickly, and soon sees little grey dots dancing on his screen. A part of him wonders why the younger is awake at such a late time, but considering Minho, he was probably watching some cat videos or one of those paranormal incidents videos on youtube. There was really no in between.</p><p>
  <em>[02:18] .Minho♡</em>
</p><p>
  <em>okay, good because i love you and i miss you. </em>
</p><p>Chan can’t help the goofy grin; his heart swells in happiness, adoration, and love for the younger as he thumbs back his response.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[02:19] Me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I love you too.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>comments and kudos make my day, and i'm a whore for attention.</p><p>come say hi to me on twitter where i basically only ever talk about my other ships i'm sorry lol. i need more skz oomfs!</p><p> <a href="https://twitter.com/143jnjh">twitter!</a><br/><a href="https://curiouscat.qa/143jnjh">curious cat!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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